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I have been fighting this ridiculous notion I have that after my surgery I'm going to "cocoon" for a few months and come out somehow different, changed, better, and in a new world. I mean, will that happen if I just sit there and surf the internet, post drivel on this blog, watch movies, and try to focus enough to read the books I've been waiting to read?
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And can people even change, or is what appears to be "change" really the uncovering (or suppression) of who you really are and always have been, deep down? Maybe you just think someone changes, but really they were just burying their real self all that time and it/they finally came out? (Or vice versa--they seem to change, but actually they are now suppressing their real self.) Either way, why mislead yourself or others? Well, I guess there are a million reasons, and can we even help it?
I do know this: I feel awake. I used to be asleep.
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It wasn't a sudden awakening, and it's not like on August 10th the doctor's call came and then "click" I was awake. It took some time, and I'm not certain when I reached some level of consciousness
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I'm not going to "live life on the edge" or anything crazy like that. I just mean that things seem clearer now that I'm awake. I think I can see where I am right now, and can almost see who I really am, if that makes sense. Sure, I might still do something stereotypically life crisis-ish, like get a small sailboat. No little red sports car, though.
But I know I'll be sleepy (physically only, I hope) for the next 2 months, so I'll do m
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(And oh yeah, one more--5. look for a sailboat!!! A little red one....)
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